GUEST BLOG-The Curnutte

Here is a guest blog from The Curnutte aka Nickel Jr. It's too hilarious not to post.
Enjoy:

i have been thinking about adjectives on products. what i mean is, instead of saying 'lotion' they say 'moisturizing lotion.' i get that. i understand that. it qualifies and categorizes what kind of lotion that is and gives you a better idea of what it is going to do for your skins. its not going to just sit on your skin like an oil slick, it is actually going to get some fucking moisture into your pores and cells. that is a good thing. and you can measure that. you can put on that lotion and say definitively one way or another "that DID make my skin moist" or "that did NOT make my skin moist at all." if you say the 2nd one, you know not to purchase that lotion again. all of that makes sense to me. but what about when the adjectives become a bit more abstract or unrealistic? i happened to see, in our bathroom, someone had purchased an Apricot Scrub. that's nice. smells like fruit. but it was not just 'Apricot Scrub' it was ' Invigorating Apricot Scrub.' now how in the hell are they going to live up to THAT? it's a face wash, not a life-changing experience. it is an essential part of your daily hygienic routine, not a fucking rock climb in Tibet. what sane person is going to splash some water and Apricot Scrub on their face, feel a burst of pleasure and exhilaration, then exclaim "THAT was invigorating?"

Creamy Panut Butter - "hmmm, that's really creamy." Validating Peanut Butter - "wow. after eating that sandwich i feel as if my life is really worth something."

Dear products-

you are products and i appreciate what you are and what you can do for me but let's be realistic, you are products. just products. i like your confidence, but you are just products.